prayer.

"Tell God all that is in your heart, as one unloads one's heart, its pleasures and its pains, to a dear friend. Tell Him your troubles, that He may comfort you; tell Him your joys, that He may sober them; tell Him your longings, that He may purify them; tell Him your dislikes, that He may help you conquer them; talk to Him of your temptations, that He may shield you from them; show Him the wounds of your heart, that He may heal them; lay bare your indifference to good, your depraved tastes for evil, your instability. Tell Him how self-love makes you unjust to others, how vanity tempts you to be insecure, how pride disguises you to yourself and others. If you thus pour out all your weaknesses, needs, troubles, there will be no lack of what to say. You will never exhaust the subject. It is continually being renewed. People who have no secrets from each other never want for subjects of conversation. They do not weigh their words, for there is nothing to be held back; neither do they seek for something to say. They talk out of the abundance of the heart, without consideration they say just what they think. Blessed are they who attain to such familiar, unreserved intercourse with God."- Francois Fenelon

Prayer -athittan.

rice riot.

Yesterday, Monday, May 26 one of my students didn't come to school because the road was shut down due to rice riots. On our way to Mai Suay (about an hour south) this Sunday, there was a road that was blocked by police due to the riots. Also, one of my friends was taking a bus here and was re-routed due to the problem as well. I searched for it on the news, and there's nothing on it really, but it's real. I can't find information on it, but I'm sure it's not violent or dangerous. One news article said that people are guarding their fields at night with guns. The protests are due to the fact that the sellers are doubling the prices, while the farmers arent seeing a dime of the profit. You really have no idea how hard they work to plant, maintain and harvest the rice, for sooooo little pay. Oh, and they do it all by hand. Yeah, these huge rice fields... It's an injustice.Imagine making less than $6 a day and the inexpensive staple to your diet almost doubles in price. What do you do?

here's a little article http://www.csmonitor.com/2008/0327/p01s02-woap.html

Please pray for this situation to be resolved and all stomachs to have enough...and for God to be revealed as the one who will satisfy a deeper hunger...for free.

jai.

Last Friday we were having a party for the June/July birthdays and everyone with a birthday is supposed to bring 15 treats to share with the school...and of course I forget mine. So I get flustered, and I go into the little snack shop at school and frantically buy 15 ice creams. As I was rushing about, grabbing the ice cream and pulling out my money and being all panicky, the sweet girl that works there looks at me and says, "jai yen". She was completely right. It means "cool your heart". wow, what what a pefect phrase.

This sparked a discussion with my friend Kyndra, who works at a Children's Home for kids who either have AIDS or have been orphaned due to the disease. The name of the home is "Baan Naam Jai" - literally translated, means - Home of the Water Heart. Water heart, how awesome...think about it - a heart that has this life-giving water just pouring from it - what a beautiful idea.

Anyway, so there are a bunch of these "jai - heart" phrases that I want to share...

1. jai rawn - heart hot - as a personality trait - quick to get angry, impatient

2. rawn jai - hot heart - upset (temporary)

3. nak jai - heavy heart - worried

4. taam jai - do heart - to follow the wishes of someone

5. phaw jai - enough heart - to be satisfied, content

6. jai dii - heart good - good-natured, kind hearted

7. jai yen -heart cool - cool, calm, imperturable

8. jai kwaang - heart give - generous, big hearted

9. man jai - to be confident

10. loong jai - to feel relieved, at ease

11. thuuk jai - every heart - to be to one's liking, pleasing

12. sonjai - to be interested in

13. greng jai - scared heart - to be afraid of imposing

14. naam jai - water heart - see above :)

My housemate -Phet, she is very jai yen and jai dii. Isn't she beautiful? I love her.

transportation.

This is how we get around...I took all of these while I was waiting 15 minutes for my bus. Not an awesome picture, but it's the guy pedaling a bike and has that seat attached. The only time I've seen these in action is when they're pedaling around little old Thai ladies or a long trains of tourists. This is a tuk-tuk - my thai book defines it as a motorized tricycle. These guys are good for getting around the city in a hurry (they drive cRaZy) but get pretty expensive if you go more than a couple km.

This little blue guy is a baby song tau - this is my thai dream car - is that not the cutest thing you've ever seen? This is a normal song tau - these run from about 6 AM to 4 PM along the super-highway and you just flag them down and hop in the back - they tell you how much you pay when you get off. The other day I was taking one of these home from school and it was very full. There was an older man on it and he made a boy about 17 years old get up and give me his seat - he had to hang off the back. Well, that spot wasn't large enough for my rear end - so he made another boy around age 14 get up and sit in his friend's lap. Soooo sweet.

The bus system here really is unbelievable. So incredible. I wish we had public transportation like this in the US. The silver and green bus on the right is a "fan bus" and those travel from city to city and stop anytime someone flags them down. The seats are made for petite thai people, though. 5 seats across - not super comfortable...but for a $2 bus ride that takes you to all the way to Chiang Mai, you don't complain. The other bus - the yellow and green one there beside it is an "air con bus" and those have 4 seats across. There's also a VIP bus - which runs about $8 US to Chiang Mai. Those have 3 seats across and while the fan bus can take up to 4 hours, the VIP does the same trip in about 2.5.

This is my friend Kyndra on her rad fino. Motorbikes are pretty much the transportation of choice around here. I have to say after driving one for a month or so, I understand why. The gas is so cheap - like $3 a week. They wouldnt really fly in America though, b/c our cities and towns are so spread out...oh, that...and we're too performance driven to spend the extra time that it would take on the motorbike on the road. However, you will notice how everything just pretty much stops when it starts raining...

Thai Phrase of the Day: Khit waa khun khung aap naam prowaa mii men kha. I think you should shower b/c you stink.

*concidence? you decide. The Thai word for "a stinky smelly" is men. (hmm)

culture

So, some life below the surface...lately I've really been reflecting on culture...specifically the one I'm living in. It would be good for someone to know where I'm coming from...

1. It is NOT rude to ask someone how much they paid for something, tea, peanut butter, a car...whatever. In fact, it shows that you're interested and appreciate the object.

2. Just today my friend and I were talking to a Christian Thai lady about her daughter who is 15. My friend said the daughter is "suay" which means beautiful. The mother immediately replied "no, may suay" - no, she's not beautiful. The woman said that she tells her that she's not, but the daughter thinks she is. I have NO idea how a mother can say her daughter is not beautiful to anyone, especially people she's known for less than an hour, but that's culture.

3. The only people that really touch in public are those of the same sex. Perfectly heterosexual girls hold hands, men don't hold hands, but it's normal to see a man grab another man's knee or shoulder, but it's VERY rare to see couples being affectionate in public. I have older thai women come up and rub my stomach as they're talking to me, it's different, but sweet.

4. Quiet, subtle and displaying as little emotion as possible are the character traits that are most highly valued. The trait that is heavily frowned upon is having a "hot heart" which means you are quick to show that you are upset.

5. I haven't been able to read 95% of what I see in public. I am learning Thai phonetics, which basically means that I'm "functionally illiterate"...and I'm driving...haha.

6. It is rude to wear your shoes inside. This picture is of our worship time, and all the teachers' and kids' shoes outside the meeting room.

7. There is a strong value for the elder. The other day I saw a young man driving his grandmother and then making sure she got on the bus safe. It was sweet. The roots of this are in Buddhism, but I like it.

8. To be polite, when you're walking by someone, you lower your head. Not all the time though, but for example, if I'm walking down a narrow stall in a market and I kind of have to slip by someone, I would duck down a little bit to show kindness. There's a specific word for being considerate - Gren Jai - and that basically means that you bend backward to be hospitable, polite, kind and generous to people. Sounds like what community should be like, eh?

He restores.

Like I said in my blog a couple days ago...at first glance Cambodia may seem like a dirty and poor nation with stunted development, but if you look close, you can see glimpses of God trying to redeem this thirsty nation.

Let me tell you the story of the past few decades in Cambodia - in case you missed it (as I had).

In the early 70's Cambodia was doing alright for itself in the ways of the world, life was pretty peaceful and good for most folks. Then, this guy named Pol Pot came along with his Khmer Rouge, a militaristic, Communist regime. He defeated the American's weak attempt at democracy and converted the peaceful nation into one that would turn neighbors and families against themselves.

When Pol Pot took over, he forced all of the people out of the major cities, and into the countryside. The people who lived in the cities (called "new people" by farmers) were the majority of the well-educated and the people who lived in the country were mostly farmers (referred to as "old people"). You did hard farming labor and were fed 2 bowls of rice soup a day. If you didn't die of starvation, but showed any kind of infidelity to the Khmer Rouge, you were killed. The estimate is about 2 million people died during the 4 years. For a population of 7.5 million, that number is critical, especially when it was mostly those with higher education who were killed. There was scarcely a family untouched.

The brutality is staggering. The Khmer Rouge would use hoes and picks to kill people, so they wouldnt waste bullets, and they told the "New Members" (those forced from the cities) that "To keep you is no benefit. To destroy you is no loss."

While in Cambodia, we were able to visit a Genocide Museum, outside Phnom Penh, and they had dug up skulls and clothes from the mass graves. I saw a similiar mentality as the Thais about the tsunami, when visiting the south. The Cambodian people want people to remember what happened regardless of how horrific it was. Standing in that same place 30 years ago, I know the scene was much different, I imagine grassless, dusty ground, stench and a dark spirit surrounding the place. Today, walking around and seeing a place where over a thousand lives were lost, you couldn't help but notice the green grass growing, the birds singing, flowers blooming and beautiful sunshine.

The only hope is that life overcomes death. Flowers bloom where many lives ended, God overcomes man's death and destruction and redeems the land with beauty. and bigger, Jesus overcame death on a cross and redeemed you.

huaro = laugh.

These pictures made me laugh. I hope they put a little smile on your face too. :)

English is a difficult language to learn and blunders like this are commonplace, but this one was pretty cute. Please, don't call if you're boring!

I really liked this sign. It was in the bathroom at Angkor Wat. I could imagine a poor old Cambodian woman, looking at the western toliet trying to figure out how she could stand up there. "This ain't no squatty potty, grandma!"
This picture is of me crunching down on a fried grasshopper. I feel like that's a pretty appropriate face, but it's still classic.

kampucha 1.

Kampucha is thai for "Cambodia".There are 7 people in this short-term missions program I'm in. Aimee is one of them, and is currently working in Chiang Mai, about 100 KM from here. She and I were fortunate to be able to travel last week to visit 2 other girls, Morgan and Katie (also involved in the program) who are working in Cambodia. They work in Phnom Penh at an organization called Hagar International with women and children who have been involved in human trafficking. Morgan works doing prision research, looking for ministry opportunities, and Katie is doing great work in the office. They blessed us with the opportunity to go to a birthday party (complete with icing to face smearing), a prayer meeting and a Khmer New Year party at the shelter. The women were so welcoming, and we had a great time. I'm probably being overly sensitive, but I wish I could post all the pictures of these beautiful women and children, but I dont think it's appropriate.


The traffic was the most chaotic thing I've ever seen.


These vans were everywhere, packed with people and possessions. This one only had 1 guy on top, I saw one van with 6 or 7 people sitting on top.


The theme I saw repeated throughout the trip was just how much destruction, poverty and corruption there is, but how beautiful God is and how He alone can redeem it.

basketball.

Our school doesnt have many opportunities for the students to get involved in sports, so an event like the basketball game that happened the other night was a big deal. We dont have jerseys and we played against the team from a nearby university and got creamed (32 to 68) but the kids had fun and it was fun to see them enjoying athletics. Soccer will be starting after spring break, and I'm so excited!

Thai Phrase of the Day: Tuk wan dichan len futbon kha. I play soccer (futbol) everyday!

mae sai.

What I want to communicate with these pictures is the beauty that is everyday life here and the manifest of God's extraordinary and infinite beauty. I went with my friend Aimee to Mae Sai, the border town where we exit Thailand to go to Burma. These are a few of my favorite pics... This is a man taking his goods across the border, he's walking those boxes through immigration. These are some girls that were riding in the bus. The last picture is just a side street off of the main road through town.
Life is going well, there have been some challenges, but I feel like God's strength alone is getting me through them. Also, I know this is becoming a theme, but I was still stressing about my plans for next year, and I was saying to someone else, "but perfect love drives out fear" and suddenly it took on a deep meaning in my heart as well. The cross was perfect love and His resurrection screams our freedom.

Thai Phrase of the day: Khon thai may khehy kin khaaw khon diaw kha. Thai people never eat rice alone.

maintaining homeostasis.

So my really rad friend patrick williams (whose beautiful wife is pregnant!) kindly put a link to my blog on his, and he says interesting and intelligent things on his (http://www.pwandsw.blogspot.com/) and i imagine people actually read it, and might go to a link that he posted b/c folks spend A LOT of time on the computer these days...so i figured i'd go ahead and update mine, just in case :) My camera is on it's way here from SC right now, so I haven't been posting much b/c I think people get bored with just reading my words and want to see pictures...there's probably only 10% of you that have even read this far :) haha. So here are some pictures my friend Kyndra took... This is me helping lead worship in church - on the far left. I'm not really sure how that happened. :) So the girls on the right are Thai and they are singing the Thai lyrics, as we farang (white folk) are singing the words in English. Singing Thai and English simultaneously is great, and I love it, but 2 problems are created. 1. For most songs, the words just don't fit with the music for one language or the other. 2. Farang clap on the beat and Thai people clap of the off beat. Rhythmically challenged people like me just clap. :) This is a picture from the flower festival. That is a float and the king made from flowers and that's a really cute old Thai couple in the foreground. The man is wearing his yellow shirt. Something really interesting is that Thai people celebrate more of the day of the week you were born, not the date. They also have a corresponding color for each day, so if you were born on Sunday, red is your color. Yellow for Monday, Pink for Tuesday, Green for Wednesday, Orange for Thursday, Blue for Friday, and Purple for Saturday. The king was born on Monday, so every Monday you should wear your yellow polo shirt that has the king's crest on it.This is a pottery place called Doy Din Dang. The Thai artist who makes these is Buddist, but his son went to my school. He's pretty famous, and the pottery is so beautiful.

Thai Phrase of the Day: Khit waa khun khuan ja aapnaam pro waa sokaprok kha. I think you should take a shower because you are dirty.

valentine's day.

happy valentine's day. i love you! :) I KNOW that sounds totally cheesy, but it's true. I don't feel like it's just a day for lovers, I feel like it's a day to celebrate LOVE.
I LOVE Valentine's day. I love love. I mean, the idea that there's this invisible force that can tie people together and connect them and bring joy and pain and suffering and fun and happiness is so beautiful to me. I pray that God's love is real to you today and only increases.
I have about 16 weeks until I come home, but I feel like God is telling me to come back after the summer until January. So I'll be home (South Carolina) in June and probably leave again in late August and will stay in Thailand from late August to January. So, unless God delivers some BiG different message, that's the path.

Thai phrases of the day: *please note, these phrases do not include tones, and yes there are 5 of them*
1. Aahaan Thai phet kwaa aahaan farang kha. - Thai food is more spicy than white folks food.
2. Dichan ja bye boat wan aathiit kha. - I will go to church on Sunday.
3. Dichan rak khun kha. - I love you.
4. Hong naam thii nay kha? - Where is the bathroom?

Jesus is rad quote of the day: Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it and whoever loses his life will preserve it.

sporty sports day.

Normally, the school takes the entire Superbowl Monday and turns it into "Sports Day". We had to postpone it a week though, b/c of the rain, you'll see our new "field" and you can imagine it after a couple days of rain. So I was on the official "Olympic Committee" jk, but I did get a plan and help a lot :) It was so wonderful seeing our hard work being paid off by the kids enjoying their day. We did the 400 Meter Dash, 60 M dash, shotput, discus, high jump, broad jump, long jump, baseball throw, basketball shootout, soccer shootout and football throw. The kids were divided up into 5 teams, Lithuania, Zimbabwe, Mongolia, Madagascar and Brazil. It was a fun day, here are some pictures...

Lithuania, the winning team!

So intense!

The Elementary girls running the 400 m dash.

Teak doing the high jump. I can't lie, she's one of my favorite students.

This is the amazing Pii Apa. He works "maintence" for the school, and he's great. He lined the field and is super-helpful. If you look back at the Akha Hilltribe village we visited, he lives there in one of those homes.

grace = unmerited favor.

Here's a picture of my niece b/c she's so cute. She just gets in her car seat and trusts, she doesnt doubt that her Mom and Dad are going to take her somewhere wonderful, she doesnt worry about the ride. She just plays where she is and knows that they've got it all under control...

If you've never had to fall on your face before God and ask Him for forgiveness, I feel sorry for you.

If you've never had to fall on your face before another person and ask for forgiveness, I also feel sorry for you.

I had to do both recently. It was an extremely humbling feeling, knowing that your future depends on the way that these beings respond to your apology and repentance. The idea that your next few moments or days or life or eternity depends on whether you're forgiven or not is an extremely humbling feeling. Derek Webb says "you're only free when you have no choice". I believe it...there is freedom in knowing that your only option is to trust the One who will not love you any less or more tomorrow than He does today or did yesterday.

I had to apologize to my supervisor and his wife and it was really difficult, but really beautiful. After I nervously delivered the truth of my sin, they didn't even have to look at each other to decide that they were going to forgive me. They just knew. I really desire that one day, to be so in synch with my husband that we know we will give someone immediate grace when they sin against us. Like in Luke 17, when Jesus says to His disciples, "If your brother sins, rebuke him and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins 7 times a day and 7 times comes back to you and says 'I repent', forgive him." As Christians, Jesus told us to forgive. Not only did they forgive me, but they gave me so much GRACE. They prayed over me, said I was released and told me they loved me. I left their home knowing I had experienced Christianity.
However much love and grace they gave me however, I know that His love and grace and truth abounds all the more...

seriously?

So, one of my very cool students, Emily, wrote this note about a motorbike accident she saw on the side of the road...

I saw a dead body today.We were just driving to drama practice, the same road we drive at least twice everyday. I wonder where he was going. On a stretch of road normally deserted, there were at least forty people, mingling casually. Death interests people. I wonder if he was popular while alive. While driving past this crowd, expecting a parade of sorts, I see a bundle wrapped in blood-soaked cloth. I wonder if he liked the color white.His body was lying on the side of the road. Everyone was just staring at the once-alive body now haunting the corner. I wonder if he really lived. It’s over for him. No more chances. All those thoughts he had buried inside him will never be known. I wonder if he was married.Maybe he left behind a family. Maybe he never said “I love you” to the woman he truly loved. I wonder what he wanted.And worst of all…I wonder if he knew Jesus. Did yet another human die without knowing the freedom and love of Jesus Christ? What if I could’ve told him? What if my lack of boldness cost him his introduction to Jesus? I wonder.

Well, so afterward, she found out that there were in fact 2 dead bodies. A family had been on a motorbike. The pregnant mother, a father and a small child. The mother had died instantly and the son had a broken leg (and later died in ICU), but the father got stuck under the truck and the truck driver didn't stop...because as all Thai's know, if you hit someone, it's just better to kill them, b/c if you hit them and they survive, then you have to pay for their entire hospital bill, but if they die, you only have to pay their family 40,000 baht (around $1200). It's amazing how as a race or culture we feel as though we can put a price on a life...

maybe...

Alright, so here's what's going on...still struggling a little bit with the plan...
This weekend at church the message was about how sometimes the things that seemed foolish at the time, turned out to glorify God the most. For example, have you heard the story about Gideon? Alright, this guy had an army of 32,000 men and God was like..."that's too many men for me to show My power, just so I make sure you can't brag - I'm going to reduce that number"...and then God told him, "separate those who lap the water like a dog from those who kneel down to drink...and take the 300 who lapped and I'm going to give the Midianites into your hands." That doesn't seem to make sense, does it?
Another foolish thing to the world's eyes is that Mary had a baby as a virgin. The speaker said people probably asked, "Who's your baby's daddy" Mary said "God". Probably looked kind of foolish to the world.
So maybe the idea of staying another year looks foolish compared to the world's standards. "You probably should go home and get a teaching job with a good salary and good healthcare and be saving money up." I dont think it would be an easy decision to come back next year. It's actually kind of hard for me to even type about, but God is sovereign...always is, always was, always will be...

Thai Phrase of the day: Dichan rak sawn thii FLC kha! I love to teach at FLC!

Jesus is rAd quote of the day: and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for me will find it. - matt 10:39. (that sounds a lot like faith to me...)

step by step.

I feel like this is a theme that God wants me to follow right now, here's how He communicated it.
So lately, I've been feeling a little pressure to make a decision about what I'm going to do next year. Whether I come back to Thailand, stay in SC, move to Montana (I don't know I just feel drawn there) or whatever...So I was feeling totally stressed about this...what am I going to do?!?!?
Then, last Saturday, Damaris and I went and did a little hiking around and we were going up to this waterfall and there were some really steep, difficult concrete "stairs" going up the side of the mountain. As I was climbing them, God said..."look, these stairs aren't easy andyou have to focus on one at a time".
I told Damaris that God just revealed that to me and it reminded me of one time in college when me and Sarah Anne and a few other girls were riding in Sarah Anne's car (connie) and the radio was turned down really low and we were talking about our futures and wondering who we were going to marry...and all the sudden without anyone touching it, the radio turned up in the song right at the line that says "and step by step I'll lead you"...and we all were in shock.
If I didn't have the point by then, God really wanted to drive it home by making sure that we sung that same song - "and step by step I'll lead you" in church last Sunday.
And He know's I'm stubborn and oblivious sometimes, so He even made sure that my friend Kyndra told me too. She said that God kind of told her that I just have take things one step at a time...
pretty rad huh?
so that means that my next step is home to Columbia on June 24 and looks like Charleston after that. please pray that i keep my eye on this step and all that God wants me to do here! thanks!

whyowhy?

Why do you think it is that people (Christians) naturally go 1 of 2 ways...
1. When life is good, they're always thinking about and praising God, spending all sorts of time in the word and in prayer and then when things turn bad, they turn the focus inward and forget what's important.
2. When life's peachy, they forget about thanking God and just think about themselves and when things turn bad, they immediately turn to Him for help.

**my camera is broken for a bit...im going to take it to the Canon store to see what they can do, so I won't have too many pictures until then :(

nye.

New Year's Eve I had one of those brushes with the peace that surpasses all understanding and I knew there was no where else in the whole world that I would rather be that night.

We got home from the south on the 30th and then my friend Aimee came from Chiang Mai to visit/do a border run for her visa that night. Most of the next day was spent getting that done, but in the evening we went out to Baan Nam Jai - Home of the Open Heart. It's an orphanage mostly for children who are HIV+ it was so awesome to get to celebrate a new year with my friends and the kids out there. We had fireworks and they released the khom loys like we did for Loy Krathong. After the kids went in, we came back to our house and we had a party. That day, I (without thinking) asked Phet if normally in Thailand they have a party and watch the ball drop. Sure they do...at lunch time the next day...haha. So, I figured it really wouldn't be New Year's for me if we didn't have a ball drop, so I found the nearest soccer ball, stripped the lights off our tree and cleverly found a way to "drop" it from our curtain rod. Haha...it was a lot of fun and I was so thankful to be here. I hope your 2008 was as much fun and I have a feeling that 2008 is going to be the best year yet!!

"Sawat dee bee mai!" - Happy New Year!

krabi.

The last stop on our trip was a day in Krabi. (pronounced Kha-robbie - except you say it like it's only 1 syllable) It was about an hour and a half in a van from Khao Lak. In Krabi Town you had to take a longtail boat about 15 minutes to this island. Totally worth the $1.50 boat ride. This is where James Bond Island and Ko Phi Phi are...the beautiful limestone cliffs that are on all the travel brochures. This area isn't preserved like the Similans though and there were SOOOOO many tourists, but it really was a beautiful area. There was rock climbing everywhere because of the cliffs. From Krabi Town, we got back on a bus and spent the night travelling back to Bangkok.

This guy roasting/selling corn was seriously in demand.